How to Hate LeBron no Matter Where he Goes

As a professional Lebron hater I feel its important to know how to hate LeBron in any situation. As the Decision 2.0 looms we must prepare ourselves for anything, so I came up with negative stuff to say about him no matter where he plays next year. Enjoy!

Stays in Miami: Obviously LeBron is complacent with an aging core. He certainly doesn’t care about winning because the Rockets, Suns and even the Cavs have good younger cores to work with but no he wants to toil around with an aging Wade and Bosh.

Leaves Miami, General: He’s just not loyal he can’t stick with a team for more than 4 years. He can’t perservere through tough losses, he just lacks character.

Leaves Miami, Doesn’t go to Spurs: LeBron is the best player which means he needs play for the best team, which is clearly the Spurs.  LeBron should just force his way on the Spurs, even though the Spurs don’t have the cap room. And if he doesn’t do this he obviously doesn’t care about winning.

Leaves Miami, Goes to Cleveland: All he cares about is making an epic, profitable return to the team that drafted him rather than winning a title. And why would he go to the most dysfunctional team in the NBA? (Bill Simmons told me that, it must be true.)

Leaves Miami, Goes to Houston: He’ll be on the same team as Dwight Howard the wonderful man, who has fathered 8 kids with 6 women and allegedly had an affair with a teen. How could he want to be friends with a person like this? What kind of role model will he be for his kids? This just shows that LeBron likes to hang with the scum of the league instead of quality human beings.

Leaves Miami, Goes to Phoenix: Know what other big name left his team and went to Phoenix, Charles Barkley. And Charles Barkley never won a ring. Why would LeBron want to be like Charles Barkley? Does he really want to be fat like him too

Leaves Miami, Goes to Dallas: All the players there are old, he would be better off playing with Shady Oaks Retirement Home team than these guys. At least the players at Shady Oaks have potential to improve.

Leaves Miami, Goes to the Lakers: Apparently Lebron would rather team up with top stars like Kobe rather than go against him. Just shows he lacks the desire to go against the best.

Leaves Miami, Goes to Clippers: What a hypocrite! LeBron said that he wouldn’t play for the NBA as long Donald Sterling is owner.Than he goes and plays for the Clippers with Sterling still technically the owner.

Leaves Miami, Goes to Chicago: Chicago is one of the most dangerous places to live. Why would LeBron want to move his family there, so they can get killed? Lebron must hate his family.

Leaves Miami, Goes to San Antonio: Wow! LeBron is such a fair weather fan! He can’t win with his own team so he goes to the team that can win it with him sitting on the bench.

Leaves Miami, Goes to the Birmingham Barons: Wow Lebron really wants to be just like MJ and play baseball in the middle of his prime. Which is strange because LeBron isn’t good at baseball. Why would LeBron do something he sucks at, when he’s one of the best at basketball? Clearly LeBron doesn’t respect the game of basketball.

Leaves Miami, Goes to Atlanta: Atlanta is famous for choking in the playoffs. LeBron is also famous for choking in the playoffs.  If LeBron went to Atlanta it means he just wants to choke in the playoffs like he always does.

If LeBron goes to Philly, Milwaukee, Utah, or Orlando: He’s a loser, and he likes being a loser.

And remember, you can always go with classic no matter what:

Paul

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